Romantic comedies are my favorite movie genre and it feels like a personal attack when people immediately write them off. After all, the same characteristics argued to be common to the genre – they’re predictable and idealistic – can be said of other movie genres. Whoever says they did not expect Chris Hemsworth’s Norwegian god to survive and defeat the alien invasion is a liar; and, tiny rebel groups are successful at resisting empires only when said empires tap into something as obviously evil as “the dark side of the force.” Much more intelligent cultural critics than I have argued that the criticism aimed at a genre some - times called “chick flicks” betrays an underlying cultural misogyny that judges media marketed towards women harsher than those marketed towards men. But I get it; rom-coms are not for everyone.
Despite these criticisms, I recently found myself returning to the genre in order to heal or to distract myself, or perhaps to do both, from my own personal problems. I think the best rom-coms are the ones that explore the complexities of being in relationship with one another instead of attempting to offer a pithy thesis on what love is. There have been many recent films that explore such themes on various streaming services— What If, Sleeping With Other People, Always Be My Maybe—but they have all tried to have what When Harry Met Sally…was having, and out of them all, the classic film has been in heavy rotation on my TV.
I am completely enthralled by the film’s portrayal of Harry and Sally’s friendship as boringly mundane, but extremely intimate. The characters do nothing but meander through New York’s museums and parks while the foliage around them turns to fall. They don’t experience a life-altering event together that makes them realize they’re in love. Nor do they realize that they have so much in common as to be perfect for each other. They simply enjoy each other’s company and live life together. And I think this is the crux of why some people don’t particularly like romantic comedies: they’re boring. But, I think that maybe the best loves are actually boring and accompany you through the ordinary happenings of day-to-day life.
I’ve revisited When Harry Met Sally … literally six times in the past few months because I needed this affirmation during a season of my life where, as a graduating student, multiple chapters of my life are coming to a close. My relationships with friends who became family and superiors who became mentors, will end—but, I refuse to believe that their value is somehow determined by their outcome. Because someone is no longer in my life does not mean that they have never been important to me. Instead, I remember the mundane things that make saying goodbye so hard. I will remember when one of my closest friends wanted to douse the dumpster fire that is my dating life with empathetic listening one weekday afternoon. I will remember when my neighbor cooked and brought me dinner at the height of a nasty sickness. I will remember that even though Jesus said that there is no greater love than for one to lay down their life for a friend (John 15:13), all acts done by friends up to that point are also love. As chapters close and I return to rom-coms to help me end them well, I will remember that in these “boring” and mundane acts of love I’ve seen and experienced God.
