“Lazarus, come out!”

In the midst of this COVID’19 pandemic, I have become a hypochondriac. I feel a tickle in my throat and know I am getting a cough. I suddenly have the chills and am certain it’s a fever.

I take my temperature yet again; the digital read is 98.6. That is .2 degrees up from where it was an hour ago. My temperature is rising, I tell myself, starting to panic. Better set the timer for an hour and take it again.

The hour dwindles away. I suck on some of my elderberry-flavored-Zicam, ignoring the suggested dosage. This is an Emergency I tell myself, pouring Emergen-C into a cup of water, stirring compulsively as the orange powder turns the water tangerine.

I chug the pungent dosage of over 1,000 mg of Vitamin C, hoping it stomps this possible fever. I take my temperature again. 98.5. Phew, I tell myself. My temperature is not rising.

At the end of the day, I do my Examen prayer practice. Where was God and how much did I love God today? I shake my head and give myself a spiritual “F”. In all honesty, COVID’19 was the idol that demanded all my attention today.

I lay in bed, eyes closed, wondering where God is in all this. And then I hear it: the voice from my Ignatian retreat that called to me when I was lost in fear and grief.

“Carlene.”

I know that voice. It is the voice of the Good Shepherd, who knows that sheep have terrible vision but excellent hearing. The Good Shepherd who knows that when sheep are lost, they need to be called by name.

“Lazarus, come out!” Jesus cries in a loud voice.

And Lazarus, despite having been asleep in the grave for four days, recognizes that voice. He hears the familiar voice of his friend, calling his name, asking him to come out of the tomb. And despite being blinded-folded by a burial cloth, Lazarus raises and stumbles towards that voice.

“The sheep hear his voice, as he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out,” Christ promises in John 10:3, the chapter just prior to the raising of Lazarus. For Lazarus, this promise meant being led out of death and out of that dark tomb. For me, in the midst of this pandemic, this promise means being led away fear and draw towards the risen Christ.

Remember, we are the sheep, and Jesus Christ is our Good Shepherd. During this time when it is hard to see God, when we might feel like Lazarus walking in darkness, blind folded by a burial cloth, pray for the grace to hear Jesus call you by name. And pray for the grace to keep walking towards the sound of that voice.