“Lord, in your great love, answer me”

In today’s Gospel, at the scene of the last supper, Jesus indicates that he has been betrayed by one of his own. Judas, who sat with the others around the table, had a plan to betray Christ. When Jesus outed him publicly, Judas avers, “Surely, it is not I, Rabbi!” The story is a familiar trope to Christians and those beyond the tradition. As Christians, we can appreciate how outrageous Judas’s new-found position really is. His story stands out to me because I often find myself thinking: I know I’m a sinner but I would never do that. If we’re being honest, I think many of us take a bizarre kind of comfort in the Judas saga because we convince ourselves: we’re not that bad. Jesus intimates that it would have been better if Judas was never born in the first place. Harsh.

What is quite discomforting about Judas and his story is that we have every textual and historical indication that he was with Jesus from the dawn of his public ministry. That Judas spent years falling in love with an itinerant preacher, His Father, and His mission to soften hardened hearts. Judas didn’t show up at a dinner party one night to gain Jesus’ trust so he could turn Him into the authorities; Judas was more likely a man of steadfast faith. Sin entered the fold for Judas and hardened his softened heart. He knew and loved Jesus and also betrayed Him. How much like Judas are we after all?

The reading from Isaiah describes the circumstances in which the suffering servant lives, learns, and preaches. The conditions of our discipleship are difficult and the world and its trappings often throw us off track. They did for Judas. When it’s easy and useful to turn to sin and bad choices we must cry out: “Lord, in your great love, answer me.”